I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
