You work out of a Hotel?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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