im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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