so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
