i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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