you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
