how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So here I am, sexting at work.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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