idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
