HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
