Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
