My pussy is not your playground.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
