it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
