i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The Olympian is in my bed
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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