i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
