im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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