Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
