You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
