the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
