I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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