It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
