did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
