so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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