I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
