do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
