actually, I'm a sock model
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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