Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
