I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
