you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
