Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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