The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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