areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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