He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
