I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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