Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"

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  (903): Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R" http://tfl.nu/2koa
  Replies (50) Good night (5758) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

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  (619): you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you. http://tfl.nu/x6wp
  Replies (9) Good night (6019) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.

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  (480): From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him. http://tfl.nu/9mdh
  Replies (23) Good night (6038) Bad night (1305)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.

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  (406): Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule. http://tfl.nu/1636
  Replies (4) Good night (1202) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood

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  (931): there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood http://tfl.nu/qekx
  Replies (6) Good night (517) Bad night (2172)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking

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  (787): Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking http://tfl.nu/wzvh
  Replies (3) Good night (1057) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Gym?

  (801): View more from Utah

  Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.

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  (503): Gym? (801): Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants. http://tfl.nu/eaoe
  Replies (7) Good night (1478) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!

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  (205): A beer is a heart your wish makes!!! http://tfl.nu/w148
  Replies (4) Good night (1439) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center

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  (404): Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center http://tfl.nu/qm46
  Replies (7) Good night (1187) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.

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  (248): I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA. http://tfl.nu/2xdx
  Replies (8) Good night (495) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.

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  (415): I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing. http://tfl.nu/pa54
  Replies (4) Good night (621) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?

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  (518): Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt? http://tfl.nu/4gjt
  Replies (3) Good night (275) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles

  (907): View more from Alaska

  How do you keep ending up in these situations?

  (415): View more from California

  My dad is their accountant

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  (415): Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles (907): How do you keep ending up in these situations? (415): My dad is their accountant http://tfl.nu/1r4v
  Replies (2) Good night (1129) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral

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  (773): i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral http://tfl.nu/9aoc
  Replies (4) Good night (483) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.

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  (479): I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal. http://tfl.nu/vh0f
  Replies (0) Good night (732) Bad night (157)

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