That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you