Texts From Last Night

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  (806): View more from Texas

  How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?

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  (806): How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her? http://tfl.nu/a3s8
  Replies (78) Good night (618) Bad night (7615)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.

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  (214): It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way. http://tfl.nu/ycc8
  Replies (22) Good night (3365) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.

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  (863): If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat. http://tfl.nu/9rvo
  Replies (21) Good night (928) Bad night (3660)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.

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  (281): my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious. http://tfl.nu/99ri
  Replies (48) Good night (6124) Bad night (1099)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll

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  (304): when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll http://tfl.nu/utzt
  Replies (9) Good night (3017) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.

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  (801): Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess. http://tfl.nu/8hwd
  Replies (8) Good night (4151) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm at about main and main street

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  (630): I'm at about main and main street http://tfl.nu/my9q
  Replies (7) Good night (1756) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"

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  (720): I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship" http://tfl.nu/hte5
  Replies (14) Good night (1351) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon

  (514): View more from Quebec

  what does alcohol mean

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  (514): the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon (514): what does alcohol mean http://tfl.nu/hh45
  Replies (2) Good night (1390) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.

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  (724): Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest. http://tfl.nu/3pug
  Replies (11) Good night (2232) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.

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  (515): You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it. http://tfl.nu/eptf
  Replies (6) Good night (1988) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.

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  (706): Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one? (1-706): You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome. http://tfl.nu/97og
  Replies (4) Good night (854) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.

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  (814): I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless. http://tfl.nu/288b
  Replies (1) Good night (318) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  THATS VERY WEIRD

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  (304): Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs? (540): THATS VERY WEIRD http://tfl.nu/x698
  Replies (5) Good night (654) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?

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  (352): He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound? http://tfl.nu/fs09
  Replies (3) Good night (1082) Bad night (206)

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