She said her name was "party"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.