i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
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If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"