I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?