just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
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Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome