How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
