dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
