I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
