Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
