She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
