U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
