Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
