you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
