You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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