So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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