the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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