Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize