she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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