Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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