dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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