You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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