Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
