Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he thought i was a dude.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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