I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
