he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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