I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
