O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
