so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
