Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
