ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
