ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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