Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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