and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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