he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
